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Monday, January 14, 2008
:
You're Dead To Me Now
I've never been that big of a fan of the Marvel Comics Franchises. Sure, I seriously dig the Spider Man movies (Yes, all three you culturally depraved wankers), but as far as...well...everything else they have done...They just seem to fall flat for me.
Case in point...Galactus. Even the stomach-turning joke of a film like Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer had enough sense to not actually show us what a wanker this supposed "destroyer of worlds" looks like.
The last time I truly enjoyed something with the Marvel name on it was the inaugural story of Runaways. A brilliant piece of work, that was instantly transformed into complete and total shit the very instant the original writer left and a Marvel Staff Hack stepped in.
I have always kept an open mind for them, though. I mean, Spider Man, The Hulk, Captain America...all just as iconic to my homeland culture as Batman and Superman. Besides, the Joss Whedon runs on Astonishing X-Men and Runaways is non-stop entertainment. You have not seen cool until you've seen The Punisher get his ass handed to him by a ten-year-old girl.
However, they have now done the unforgivable. After a whole year of fierce and daring turns in the Spider Man story, they pulled a cop-out of epic proportions. Sure, some of their choices were a bit dubious, what with the cocooning and all. But things like the public unmasking and the death of Aunt May were shocking and real. It was just the kind of drama that really makes a comic worth reading, beyond all the hokey theme villains and random alien invasions.
Now that the year is over, and the great Marvel Civil War is over, rather than run with things as they are, they've decided to pull the comic book equivalent of "Oh, it was all just a dream!" Parker makes a deal with the devil and gets his entire life reset back to where things were at the end of the first movie.
At least when DC decided to undo The Death of Superman they did so with a little more class. They didn't make Supergirl fly around the earth until it spun backwards, reversing time or anything stupid like that. They brought him back and all the shit that hit the fan while he was gone still applied.
The simple fact of the matter is, it has now become clear to me why I've never liked Marvel. I've always gotten a bad taste in my mouth from them, but I never knew why until now.
They're a bunch of fucking cowards.
They are the Saturday Morning Cartoons of the comic book world. At the end of every episode, everyone will still be alive, the bad guys will still be shouting "curses" in their stupid costumes, and the jokes will be nothing more clever than bad puns and bathroom innuendo. They don't ever dare to be anything more than a leaflet.
Sure, in the old days, that's what Comics were. The in the golden age it was Krypto, the super-dog and silly villains like Catwoman that only stole things that were feline-centric. But that was then. The comic book audience has matured and we want our culture to mature with us.
But Marvel refuses to grow up. Status Quo, non-committal storylines, recycled plots, and dumb joke characters are all that Marvel has going for them. This whole Civil War thing looked like they were finally taking a direction with something, rather than just treading water. This "just kidding" act on Spider Man is probably just the forerunner to undoing everything they accomplished with it. Captain America will probably come back to life before the end of '08.
I'm not saying there's no room in our world for Krypto. There are still children that would love that stuff buying comics today. And titles like Teen Titans Go! are perfect for them. It just makes me mad that every damn time Marvel starts to go in an interesting direction, they quickly turn around and go back to their same old shit. It's infuriating. And I can't take it anymore.
I'll stick with X-Men and Runaways for as long as Whedon is at the helm; but once he's out, so am I. I'm not going to bother with this shit anymore. I'm swearing off Marvel Comics.
As far as I'm concerned, Spider Man is Dead.
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Me Write - You Wrong
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Dead People Suck
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Out Of The Loop
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Off Topic: Culture For Sale
Don't Do Me No Favors
Bored Now...
You Think That's Funny?
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