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Wednesday, February 20, 2008
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The Race Cards
I'm glad I didn't start on this too early. There's no way I could've kept track of all of the original primary candidates, and still held my own interest, let alone stayed sane.
Thankfully, we're down to a manageable number of losers that may one day be the top authority in the world's deadliest and most destructive military force. And I'm tickled pink to think we may decide which of them gets to hold the seat of ultimate power based on how good they are at feigning concern over the prospect.
Hilary Clinton - Democrat
She's got the history. She's got the brains. Some people even say she's got the balls.
I would really like to like her. I really would. I remember when she stood before congress to first argue the case for Universal Health Care. But, the Pharmaceutical and Heath Care Corporations had paid off the decision on that long before she got there. And, rather than continue being an inspiration, she took her minor defeat and curled up into the woodwork with all the First Ladies before her.
Granted, when it comes to strength of character, she got it to spare compared to so many others. But the one thing that sets a great leader apart from merely a great mind, is that self-dedication to never stand down on what you believe in. So the question it arises is this; is she going to give into the pressure on every decision she makes because she doesn't believe in herself, or did she only cave in on UHC, because she doesn't really believe in it?
The one thing that Dubya has had going for him, is that unstoppable bravado that mowed over every last blade of common sense that tried to hold him at bay. This alone is what made him such an effective danger, and so revered by those who supported him. The next President is going to have to have that as well in order to even begin undoing the damage he did.
I like Hilary, and in a way there's a part of me that might actually experience happiness to see her as President. But it's hard to have faith in someone that doesn't appear to have much faith in themselves.
Mike Gravel - Democrat
...Who?
I had thought that the Democratic Primary race was down to two people, Clinton and Obama. But as I looked over the Election Center at CNN.com, I saw there was this Gravel guy still in the running as well.
I don't know anything about him. I've never even heard of him. Christ, I'm not sure The Daily Show has even bothered mentioning him.
All I can say is, I can't imagine he has much of a chance if he couldn't even get ahead of John "I'm So Fucking White" Edwards or Dennis "Check Out My Wife" Kucinich, who have both already left the running.
Maybe it was just a typo on CNN's part.
Mike Huckabee - Republican
This guy is scum. I hate him. Not only does he want to make laws against Gay Marriage and Abortion, but he wants them in The Constitution. Not only that, but he is openly stating the plan to shut down the IRS and completely do away with all taxes. I haven't heard that kind of crazy talk since I hung out with Idaho Mormons that thought the United Nations were going to take over the world with unmarked helicopters. Not only should this guy not be President, but he should be stripped of all his assets, forced to work a minimum wage job while supporting five kids (some of whom may not be biologically his), while only being allowed to have sex with women that he isn't physically attracted to. After about five years of that, we'll meet up with him again and ask him "Where is your God now, Huckabee?"
John McCain - Republican
I don't know. I just don't know. On one hand I respect the guy's bravery, honesty, and devotion. On the other hand, he reminds me of someone who was in that POW Camp for just a little too long.
And frankly, there was a reason why the Founding Fathers designed the government to have an elected civilian in the highest rank of the military. As the saying goes "Gun's don't kill people. People do." This is true to a degree, and should stay that way. Putting a Military Man in full control of the military is like giving a gun the power to kill people all by itself. And if you ask me, McCain strikes me as the kind of gun that's liable to go off by accident.
Barack Obama - Democrat
Boy, did this guy ever come out of nowhere and stir some shit up, or what?
I remember the first time I heard Obama's name. It was while the Democratic convention was taking place in 2004. At the time, I was working a graveyard shift at a hotel, so I had slept through all the actual speeches and showcases. But, when I woke up that evening to get ready for work, the NPR reporters would not shut up about this guy.
Obama this, Obama that. You would've thought he had just got the 2004 nomination right out from under Kerry.
But since that spotlight performance, the dude has not let up. And so far, try as I might, I can't seem to find a reason to not like the guy. He really seems to be far less full of shit than the rest of them. However, the fact that he's been on the active stage for only 4 years is what makes it so hard to gauge him. A shorter track record means less evidence to weigh in on either side.
Not to mention the fact that he's a self proclaimed "man of faith." There's been some back and forth about whether he's Christian or Muslim. I don't give a shit what "faith" he proscribes to. I wouldn't want to give too much power to anybody that still believes in Santa Clause.
Ron Paul - Republican
I hate to admit it, but I like this guy. He's fearless and non-withholding about his beliefs, and was the first candidate smart enough to actually use the YouTube Nation for his campaigning.
However, I can't forgive two things. 1) He is dumb enough to actually think that cutting taxes will increase the job market. Only an idiot would think that. While I like his stance on not taxing tips in the service industry, cutting taxes across the board will do nothing for the economy other than weakening the welfare programs that keep the lower classes from rioting. 2) Like his fellow Republicans, he actually thinks that immigration is an issue.
America is a nation founded entirely on immigration. The only reason that immigrant workers are hurting our economy is because they are both easily taken advantage of, and much better workers than us. The best way to solve this is to actually loosen our border policy, making it easier for people to come in legally, so they may also demand minimum wage and benefits. Once they stop being an easy to abuse resource, then maybe they won't be such a threat.
So that is my honest opinion, however self-contradictory and hypocritical, of those vying for power in our great nation (here I use "great" meaning "big," not "cool").
They are colorful characters, and as much as I dislike them all, I also love them for offering me so many hours of free entertainment for the months to come.
Smile Naked, America.
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