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Saturday, September 30, 2006 :
Geek Chic

"Geek Chic" according to Wikipedia.

These are exciting times. The infustion of technology into everyday life (i.e. internet porn) has led to a whole new era in the american subculture of The Nerd. We might be able to trace it's beginnings back to the first Revenge Of The Nerds movie, in which the Chronically Outcast first began utilizing their advanced technology prowess and loose sense of superiority to fight back against the sufferences of the Sportsman Aristocracy.

Whether it began with that or not can be debated, but I think the proverbial meta-ball really got rolling with Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, two of the nerdiest men in recent history who unknowingly teamed up to run IBM and Xerox's underwear up the economic flagpole.

As the Nineties rolled by, the two most dateless men in the world suddenly found themselves in possession of the one thing that could make freaks like them respected members of mainstream society: enough money to make every woman in america weak in the knees.

Since then, the world has woken up to the fact that, since the 70's, behind every magical picture box is a very wealthy D&D player that spent the friday nights of his youth learning how to make the universe do his bidding. This awakening reached it's pinnacle when Stephen Hawking made a guest appearance on The Simpsons.

We can also thank Kevin Smith for brilliantly infusing Geek Culture Reference Interpretation (Death Star Contractors and The Kryptonite Condom) into his universally entertaining films. Throw in DC and Marvel Comics expanding their flagship characters into the Motion Picture and Television markets, and you have Geek Culture slowly becoming American Culture.

Now we even have a lovable geeky protagonist staring on one of america's most popular mainstream TV shows, The OC. Supergeeks like Ben Afleck and Nicholas Cage (named his first son Kal-El) are considered superstars and even sex-symbols. I once knew a cheerleader in High School that got wet and dreamy eyed for Al Gore. I shit you not. She was horny for the "Inconvenient Truth" guy.

But even with all this newfound power and influence, nothing about this great re-emergance of Geek Power could measure up to the great shining evolution that was to follow: The Girl Geek.

As much as I know and love about computers, comic books, science, science fiction, and pornography, none of it could possibly come close to the absolute rapture a geek like me experiences when I meet a girl that knows even more than I do.

More and more girls are emerging into the world that know what a Bat'leth is. Everyday, another girl becomes better than me at Unreal Tournament. Somewhere out there is a girl that wants to see video of a guy in a Superman costume fucking a woman in a Wonder Woman costume as much as I do.

That's right people, the Era of The Geek has risen to such hights that we are actually becoming able to procreate. By the next National Census, Nerds will be neck and neck against the Latinos for fastest growing sub-population in america. Even if it isn't, we're the ones that can digitally alter the data so it says whatever we want it to. Look closely for the sharp increase in Hobbit immigration in New England.

That sound you hear is 64-bit Evil Laughter.

Boysies.

Saturday, September 23, 2006 :
Bullies On The Defensive

There are some days when I find myself so completely infuriated with my fellow man, that I am nearly overcome with the desire to commit homicide. For those of you who don't know me, I've spent the last ten years or so committing myself to a non-violence mentality. I'm hoping that this will help you understand the weight of what I'm saying when I say I'm having violent thoughts.

There are people in this world who have an agenda, and will do everything they can do to further that agenda, even if they know the methods are moralistically flawed.

The Extremist. These people so desperately want their agenda to be accepted and followed (whether they actually believe in the validity of said agenda is inconsequential), that they don't care how many lies they have to tell, how many lives they have to ruin, or how many deaths come of it. The only thing important to them is that they are validated.

This becomes ten-fold when they begin to loose ground in whatever crap idea they're trying to push. Even as society begins to take in all of the available information, and slowly comes to is informed decision, those on the losing side begin to take desperate measures to make sure the argument never really ends. Think Saddam Hussein during the First Gulf War, sitting in an underground bunker somewhere sending out communiques saying "these are my demands."

Many of us remember the schoolyard bully who would emerge from detention seeking out to do further harm to whomever it was that "ratted them out," never once considering that maybe if they weren't such dicks in the first place nobody would have said anything. These people cannot accept the fact that they could possibly be wrong, their egos won't let them face the idea that tides of change have moved us away from their superstition and rhetoric. And so they start hiding rolls of quarters in their boxing gloves, corking their bats, and shooting up their horses; because the ends justify the means.

I'm saying this now because of a recent article from The Conservative Voice that came my way recently. I am a big fan of writer Sarah Vowell, and so I've subscribed to a GoogleAlert to have any mention of her in the news emailed directly to me.

The article in question, written by one Michelle Malkin, is an attempt to dismiss anti-Bush sentiment as "assassination chic." As though those of us who truly feel that our Fuckhead-In-Cheif should be hung outside the lawn of the Whitehouse as a warning to others, are just a bunch of bandwagon groupies who have been snowed by mainstream media's "pro-terrorist" agenda. Nothing new here, just your usual Anne Coulter wanna-be trying to make a name for herself by going to the extreme with a completely baseless and nearly schizophrenic accusation. Thanks to people like Rush Limbagh and Bill O'Reilly, I've gotten used to them and accepted the fact that they have little to no real effect.

What upset me was the very subject matter that brought me to the article in the first place. Malkin mentions Vowell's book Assassination Vacation as an example of "Kill Bush Literature," calling it a "murder travelogue of assassinated Republican presidents."

Now there are a lot of loud voices in the Liberal Extreme. Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky, Ralph Nader...any one of these guys has gone so far as to hint at a Minutemen style revolution against the Conservatives. Even I, in my staunch anti-Bushness, will think these guys have gone a little too far, or somehow missed the mark. But these guys are purposely trying to make an impression, and are perfectly capable of standing on their own when a rebuttal comes their way.

But Sarah Vowell? I can't think of a more non-threatening person. I read Assassination Vacation and loved every page of it. Not because it glorified the killing of Republicans (though, that would have been fun too), but rather it presented our own American History to me in a way that is often denied to us in our public schools. Hell, some of the history itself is denied to us. There were many moments in the book where I felt myself saying "why was I not told about this?"

In fact, the book opens with Vowell asking the question of the assassins, "who the hell do they think they are?" Political opinions aside, Vowell openly condemns presidential assassins for assuming that they, a single person, have the right to decide who can and who can't be the leader of America.

And yet, this skank Malkin decides to use her as an example of "Death To Bush" propaganda, solely on the basis that all of the presidents mentioned in her book were Republican. This completely ignores three very key facts; A) JFK was a Democrat, B) Lincoln was a Republican during the time that Republicans were the Liberal Party, responsible for ending slavery and trying desperately to remove the influence of Money from the government, and C) Garfield was president during the very time when the Republican Party was divided into separate Liberal and Conservative factions. Not to mention that Vowell even goes so far as to ridicule Garfield's assassin, Charles Guiteau, as "the one guy in a free love commune who could not get laid."

But these facts mean nothing to Extremists. They survive on the hope that that their supporters will take what they say at face value and never look any further into the issue.

But I know why they do this. You see, there's a lot of money to be made in making a stink. Every single one of these "non-profit" organizations that do nothing but spew out press releases have a board of directors that draw a very healthy salary from the money they receive from contributions to their "cause." As for media whores like Coulter and O'Reily, they live off of the shock value the same way as Howard Stern, only to a different demographic. Hell, even some of my heroes such as Jon Stewart or Michael Moore openly admit that the money they make really helps them gather up the balls to say what they're saying.

I just can't handle it much more. It really tears holes in my psyche when I find myself with competing desires such as less sanctions on political speech as well as wanting these assholes to shut the hell up.

Well, according to the Religious Extremists, Armageddon is upon us and come Judgment day only the righteous who have fought so long against Pornography, Abortion, Homosexuality, and Racial Diversity will be lifted to Heaven, leaving the rest of us behind to fend for ourselves on Earth. I can only hope they're right. Maybe then we can finally move on to issues that actually have relevance.

TTFN

Thursday, September 21, 2006 :
Real vs Fake

That's right, I'm talkin' 'bout tits.

Now, this isn't just another ranting palaver, thinly disguising an excuse to show soft-corn porn on my blog. This post actually features a well thought-out and deeply held opinion concerning self-image and cosmetic surgery, thinly disguising an excuse to show soft-core porn on my blog.

Now, I hear a lot of talk about Breast Augmentation, or "The Columbian Handshake" as it were. There are many critics as to it's "unnatural" look, as well as it's contribution to society's overall favoritism toward "impossible" or "unhealthy" beauty.

Many of our favorite celebrities often are scrutinized and demeaned should they ever choose to "get a little work done," or even so much as to have the audacity as to be lucky enought to look that good naturally.

For instance, BrittanyGate. Now, don't think for one second that I'm about to defend Brittany Spears. I for one think she has about as much substance and relevence as CoolWhip; slightly sweeter than mayonaise, absolutely non-satisfying on her own, and can be mildly amusing for about 5 seconds at a time (when inhaled properly). Which is why I find it that much more offensive that people actually got up in arms about whether or not she had a boob job when she was 18.

Aside from the "so what?" that I can't seem to scream loud enough in this case, and putting way aside how much of a total duchebag you have to be to actually hunt around for evidence to this kind of donkey shit, I'd like to point out the inherent flaw in the entire argument.

The bitch was 18. If my balls can keep growing 'till I'm 22, then so can her tits. As for the apparent speed in which they developed? It's called "Late Bloomer" syndrome. Something I'm sure your parents were hoping you had.

I'll take this one step further; the evidence is flawed. Anyone who has ever taken a photography class, a video production class, or attended Jr. High knows that a girl's chest size can change on a day to day basis, and never looks the same twice. Especially on camera.

What were her hormones doing that day? What is she wearing (work-out bra, or underwire?)? How is the lighting aranged? What kind of camera was it? What kind of work was done to the picture as or after it was developed? Many fucking factors come into play (intentional or accidental) that can alter the apparent size of a woman's chest, both in real life and on film.

If you wish to tell me that Brittany Spear's bust went up by 2 whole cup sizes in the matter of less than a year, then you better be her doctor and have medical charts showing that you mesured the fucking things over time. If not, I'm going to pee on your leg for wasting my time. If you are, what the hell kind of sick fuck are you? Measuring teenage girls tits, and going around telling people about it. You should be in jail!

This brings me to my next point. Another version of the "so what?" that nobody seems to hear. This goes beyond "who gives a shit about Brittany Spears" and even beyond "who gives a shit about celebrity cosmetic surgery, anyway?"

The simple fact of the matter is, you have no place to talk.

When you get right down to the titty gritty of it all, what exactly is a boob job? It's a surgical alteration of a physical trait that the woman in question feels is inadequite, or simply could benefit further from artificial improvement.

In short, it's merely a more expensive earring. It's a nipple ring, a tatoo, a lazer hair removal, a perm, a dye job. If you have ever gotten, or wished you had the money to spend on any of these things, then shut the holy fuck up about tit jobs. They are the same exact thing. And if you ask me, every single one of these fucks that go out of their way to demonize the women who get them or the men who enjoy them, is just as transparent as the closet fags that that try to tell us that homosexuality is a sin.

As for me, I don't have a preference. I've never had the opportunity to "be intimate" with a woman that's had "the procedure" done, so I can't attest to which feel better. As far as asthetics go, I think there's just as much variety in fake boobs as there are in real ones, and I would be hard pressed to say which is inherently better.

As for the apparent "health risks," a recent study by a Medical University in Canada has shown that the mortality rate in women with fake breasts is actually lower than women who still have their real breasts. This is due to the fact that women who have their natural breast tissue scooped out to make room for the saline packets, are at a much lower risk of developing breast cancer. Now, to be fair, the suicide rate is much higher in women with fake tits, but that is probably due to the already apparent low self-image and depression that leads to this kind of desire for physical alteration. I'd bet money that the suicide numbers are very similar to women who get nose rings.

Simple fact folks, thanks to the Advertising Agencies working 24/7 to make sure each and every one of us feels like we are in some way inadequite (in order to sell us the garbage they're peddling in a desperate attempt to allay that feeling), we all think our tits are too small, our dicks are too small, are hair is too thin, our hips are too wide, etc etc. And yes, many of us do some pretty stupid things to try and abate or cover those feelings up. For fucks sake, you only prove your pettyness when you condemn those same behaviors in others.

TTFN

Thursday, September 14, 2006 :
Whore

I've been teaching part time at an English Language school. Yesterday, I decided to go over Coloquialisms and Idioms. For those of you who are not English Majors, I'll explain further:

According to Wikipidia, a colloquialism is an informal expression, that is, an expression not used in formal speech or writing. Colloquialisms can include words (such as "gonna" or "grouty"), phrases (such as "ain't nothin'" and "dead as a doornail"), or sometimes even an entire aphorism ("There's more than one way to skin a cat"). Dictionaries often display colloquial words and phrases with the abbreviation colloq. Colloquialisms are often used primarily within a limited geographical area.

Also from Wikipidia: An idiom is an expression whose meaning is not compositional—that is, whose meaning does not follow from the meaning of the individual words of which it is composed. For example, the English phrase to kick the bucket means to die. A listener knowing the meaning of kick and bucket will not thereby be able to predict that the expression can mean to die. Idioms are often, though perhaps not universally, classified as figures of speech.

And so, I decided to illustrate this point by explaining to my students what "babydaddy" meant.

It's one of my frustrations with the Chinese language. They've barely bothered to create a new word in over 400 years. Their word for "television" is actually about 5 words that mean something like "machine that uses electricty to show many pictures." The only evolution of the Chinese has been in pronunciation of words at the local level. Which is why people from Zhongshan can't understand people from Ghuangzhou, even though they both speak Mandarin.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world is creating new words faster than most of us can keep track. Literary leaders of the English speaking world are still at war as to whether or not "ain't" is a word. Meanwhile, "bling" can now be found in Webster's Dictionary.

Another new term that has become common in International English, and I'm sure has counterparts in all other European languages as well, is "Friend Whore." It's mostly contained among the MySpace crowd, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before it disseminates to the rest of society. A "Friend Whore" is one of those people who wish to invite and accept as many people as they can onto their MySpace Friend's List, whether they know the people or not. These people get some sort of ego stroke at nothing more than seeing their friend tally climb up and up, regardless of whether or not they even bothered to look at their new friends' pages.

I bring this up, because I've recently become what I like to call "A Professional Friend Whore," or "Whore" for short. You see, in trying to drum up buzz for my movie I've created a MySpace page to promote it with, and I've spent the last three days trolling through group lists and other peoples friend's lists and invited total stranger after total stranger, trying desperately to convince as many people as possible that my movie really exists.

Doing this, I have discovered many disturbing things about people. Let me rephrase that; I've been reminded of things about people that I had happily forgotten in the past. I've viewed hundreds of personal pages over the last couple of days, and while MySpace proudly touts it's rules against "offensive" material, that doesn't seem to stop people from proudly placing their favorite pictures of women with explosive diarreah letting loose on a man tied up with cow entrails. Now, while I'm not saying that these people should not be allowed to express themselves (as I am a staunch supporter of free expression), I do beleived that these people are completely fucked in the head for displaying the picture in the first place, and I truely hope that they die before procreating.

And the most disturbing thing about this little venture, is that so far it is working. As of yesterday, we are now listed on the Upcoming Movies list at Horror-Fanatics.com, the hot new news site for all those people that can't wait for the next Friday The 13th to come out.

I guess there's a reason why Paris Hilton is so consistently famous; people love whores.

TTFN

Saturday, September 09, 2006 :
Crisis

So, today is Star Trek's 40th Birthday. Being the uberGeek that I am, I was reading Will Wheaton's blog, for his take on this momentous happenstance.

His opening line:

"Today, Star Trek turns 40 years old, which means that the Enterprise is totally going to grow a ponytail and start dating younger star ships."

After I got done laughing, I froze. You see, just in the last week my hair has gotten long enough to pull into a pony tail. I've been doing just that, mainly to keep it out of my eyes. Also, I've just started dating a 22-year-old Chinese girl. I haven't even hit 30 yet, and I'm already going through the post-divorce, mid-life crisis. If I'm not careful, I may wake up one morning in bed with a really ugly Trans-AM Convertible.

How does something like this happen? It's not like I said to myself "Hey, I'm going to grow a really gay ponytail, then head down to the Junior High to pick up chicks. That'll keep my dick from falling off!"

No, it was more of a "Damn, haircuts are expensive," followed by a "Hey, nice tits."

Maybe it was some sort of psychotic break. A few weeks ago, I noticed that the drain was clogged with brown hair. And since my roommates are very blonde and very red haired, it couldn't be anyone else's. I didn't think I was that upset by it, other than a slight "isn't this a bit early" feeling.

Maybe I was in denial. Perhaps that was when my own personal Tyler Durden took over, and the next thing I know I'm telling a girl that yes, I think Rihanna is a very good singer. Isn't this the sort of thing we put dogs to sleep for?

TTFN

Tuesday, September 05, 2006 :
Centennial - The 100th Post

This is my soapbox. This is where I speak, express, emote, and articulate. Here is where I take my stand. It's not much, but it's mine.

I'm not here to give you the answers. I've never claimed to have all the answers. I rarely even claim to have any of the answers. Sure, quite often I'll offer my opinion as to what I believe the answer to be, but I will be the first to admit that I could be wrong. I realize I'm just a human being, like the rest of you. Well, most of you anyway.

No, this simply is where I tell you what is wrong. It's not much, but it's what I do.

As an artist, I express myself. What I am feeling and thinking is translated here for you in the best way I know how. Most often, what I am feeling and thinking is how wrong we all are.

Hundreds upon thousands of years of civil evolution, and we still find ourselves plagued with people that think God put the dinosaur bones in the ground to test our faith. This is wrong.

Year after year, these same poor fools happily place the demon with the biggest smile into a place of power over their lives. This is wrong.

Scientific research and technology has reached a level where one could conceive the cure to all known diseases within our lifetime. However, the largest and most sophisticated laboratories are instead putting time and effort into "treatments" that do little more than temporarily quell the symptoms. And, because they see only profit margins, will use whatever influence they have to prevent any other, smaller laboratories from releasing a cure to the ailment that they so richly nurse addiction to. This is wrong.

The entire economic and industrial structure of the world can be boiled down to an ancient fossil fuel that is nearing its end. And rather than spend our remaining years of this second renaissance trying to find a solution to the eminent crisis before it ever begins, those in control of the supply are instead leeching as much blood from the economy as possible in order to serve their own short term lusts. This is wrong.

Right now, as you are reading this, people are killing each other over "Holy" land. This is wrong.

Right now, as you are reading this, someone in a position of power and/or influence is happy that people are killing each other over "Holy" land. This is wrong.

Right now, as you are reading this, MTV is still on the air. This is wrong.

Why do I do this? Why do I waste my breath, screaming into the wind? If I don't have the answers, where do I get the gall to point out the problems?

Because I'm scared of what might happen if I stop. What will become of me when I accept the fact that the daily raping of my soul is simply a commonplace part of my culture? What happens when my voice goes silent, and then one by one, all other voices like mine follow suit? What happens then?

Books have been written on this subject. Brave New World and 1984 are the most well know novels on the subject of a world that has collectively bowed its head and never bothered to ever look up again. I don't think they do the subject justice. I am truly frightened of a world where ignorance is bliss. I am even more frightened that I may very well see that world in my lifetime.

That is why I do this. I hold on to that one futile shred of hope that if I just keep on screaming for one more day, someone will hear me, and join me. Now I don't know if two of us kvetching away at the abyss will ever accomplish anything, but it certainly won't make anything worse. That's got to be worth something.

Previous Posts
Me Write - You Wrong
Wasteland
Dead People Suck
Hob-Knobbin' (sp?)
Out Of The Loop
Stunted Growth
Off Topic: Culture For Sale
Don't Do Me No Favors
Bored Now...
You Think That's Funny?

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